Before we begin to look at how we can reduce
unhealthy stress we need to remind ourselves that some stress is normal and
considered healthy.
Children are expected to encounter the daily
challenges that life brings; meeting new people, being afraid of the dark, peer
pressure etc. It’s through these experiences of simple stress that children
discover their identity, learn to problem solve and learn self-regulation (the
ability to manage oneself).
The pressure of stress on the body increases the
heart rate, causes a person to breathe more rapidly and tenses the muscles.
Having multiple stressors in our life elevates our stress level and negatively
impacts the body. Our bodies can only re-establish balance when we have relief
from stress. Be aware of the kinds and amounts of stress you are under, and the
stress you can help alleviate for your child.
Knowing the damage caused by stress (see Part 1 of 3) and some strategies
for building resilience in our children (see Part 2 of 3) we want to know what
we can do to reduce stress in our children’s lives to begin with...
0 – 3 year olds
Babies feel stress just like we do – except that they are
building an understanding of the world and learning how to be safe. Because a baby is learning to build trust and
to believe that the world is a safe and predictable place, the less stress we
can subject them to, the better.
Avoiding stress means comforting baby when she cries, and
responding to his needs as quickly and calmly as we can.
Did you know that you can’t spoil an infant? Babies are simply learning about the world
when they are tiny. If we leave them to
“cry it out” we just teach them that they have no way to control their
circumstances! If we pick up that crying
baby, they will learn to trust that they can make things happen and that they
can influence their tiny world.
Think about it – If we want our children to grow up to be
strong and empowered individuals who don’t feel that they are victims and who
know they can make a difference for themselves – why not start the minute that
baby comes into the world?
Eventually, children need to learn to meet their own needs,
and not rely on the adults around them to come running – but does it make sense
to think that a baby can manage this when it has no way to get around or do
anything more than cry without help?
Establishing a routine for feedings, naps, and play time can
also reduce stress for a baby. As they
come to expect regular schedules, they will feel less stressed by feeling
hungry or tired, and will learn that their needs will be met.
To reduce stress, build safety nets for your child
- Comfort your infant till
they are able to get what they need for themselves.
- Create routines and
predictable schedules, and stick to them.
- Develop trust by letting
your child know there is someone they can rely on
3 – 5 year
olds
Although preschool aged children are often
referred to as “little adults” they lack many capabilities of a fully developed
adult brain. Their brains are still developing without an ability to act
independently, manage feelings, or share how they feel. As a result toddlers
under stress may build feelings of sadness or anger inside; which may cause
them to regress to infant behaviors, become angry or aggressive, withdraw,
bite, or act overly sensitive.
The good news is you don’t have to be a doctor
or licensed therapist to help children relieve unhealthy stress in their life.
The key to reducing unhealthy stress in a toddler’s life begins with Building
Safety Nets, Providing Social Support, Teaching Coping Strategies, Positive
Thinking, and Stress Prevention. Research indicates children living in
supportive environments that learn to develop a range of coping skills become
more resilient, with a greater ability to bounce back from a crisis.
Providing Social Support - simple things such as
having a parent who listens, friends to talk to, affectionate hugs, people to
lean on are all ways children feel support.
* Notice, acknowledge, and praise children
Teach Coping Strategies - the ability to find hope
begins with the ability to think through solutions, anticipate stress and find
ways to avoid stress.
Positive Thinking - its important to show a
child how to cope in a healthy way by keeping calm, controlling anger, and
modeling how using these coping strategies help you find solutions.
* Self-Talk
* Use art for expressing feelings, use stories
or books that children can identify their feelings with
* Talk about stressful events that happen
Stress Prevention - foresee stressful
situations and AVOID IT!
* Identify causes of stress and plan ways to
avoid it or how to deal with it
* Teach relaxation techniques and provide a
quiet space
* Teach conflict-resolution strategies
* Build a child’s self-esteem and encourage them
to be proud of themselves
* Help your child find a special interest
School age
children:
Children continue to need predictability
throughout their school years. Let’s
face it, even as adults we rely on schedules and routines to get us through the
stressful times. Our kids thrive when
they can anticipate what is coming next.
Not that surprise is bad, or the unexpected
isn’t welcome (a snow day can be the greatest gift in a school year!) But being
able to return to schedule and know what to expect allows the novelty of new
learning to be a welcome thing to the developing brain.
Helping children to develop schedules and
routines doesn’t mean that we should over schedule them. Unstructured free time builds creativity and
social experience that we simply can’t provide in any other way. Time to become “bored” and have to entertain yourself
may be the best way to develop imagination.
However, those times can be predictable too!
1.
Have a firm bed time and a routine to help your child wind down
from the day and get ready to sleep. For
some children having a checklist for bedtime can be very comforting. Make leaving school work, clothes and etc.
ready for the next day a part of the routine.
2.
Do the same for morning and getting ready for school. Weekends and
holidays can be a break from this routine, but after 2 or 3 days having no
predictable schedule can become stressful.
Have your child continue to practice weekday routines even over breaks
from school – what a great opportunity to fill a day with new adventures and to
continue learning without having to be in a classroom!
3.
Schedule regular time for homework and be available to support
your child in completing it. There are times when students need to go off and
finish homework on their own, but there are times when having you at their side
is important for reducing stress too!
4.
Leave time in your child’s day for entertaining themselves, and
for experiencing the kinds of stress that help to build character!
