The holidays may be over, but how many times was Christmas almost canceled because a child’s name was on the Naughty List. Let us help change the Naughty back to Nice for a great start to the New Year.
Age 0 - 3 - My Baby is Biting! It can be frustrating when children bite. Don’t worry, it’s normal. There are many reasons why children bite. They are communicating their needs including teething, discomfort in social situations, feelings, instability in their environment, etc. Outside of needs, a child may be learning about the environment through cause and effect, sensory input, repeating what they see, or discovering acceptable behavior.
Pay attention to the child’s routine. Does the biting happen at specific times of the day? Tired? Hungry? Does this happen in crowds of other children? Reaction?
If the behavior is due to being tired or hungry then try to adapt a schedule that can support the needs that aren't being met. Try a teething toy, freezing it can help sooth a sensory need. If it happens in crowd of other children model how to interact with others gently. Give alternative activities to do and try more physical movement. This can help use extra energy.
Remember: Whether your child has been bitten, or if your child is the biter, stay calm. This is a temporary behavior. With a little bit of observation and time with the child, behaviors change.
WebMD has some ideas
and so does What to Expect
and LaLecheLeague has some good suggestions for nursing biters
and even Supernanny will agree with us - yelling, or biting the child back will only serve to frighten your baby and not to teach the positive behaviors you are hoping to see.
Age 3 - 5 - My Preschooler is Throwing Tantrums! Believe it. Tantrums are a normal part of early childhood. Small kids have tantrums. Kids brains from 18 months to around 4yrs are simply hardwired to have naughty fall outs.
The prefrontal cortex of the brain, located behind the eyebrows, regulates emotion and social behavior. This is the last area of the brain to develop and has only begun to mature by age 4. Kids this age tend to think magically rather than logically and can easily become confused or scared about things that are ordinary to adults. For example they don’t understand that the bathtub drain won’t swallow them.
Tantrums start out angry and end sad. The secret is to get past the anger peaks (yelling and screaming,) and when what’s left is the sadness, children reach out for comfort. The quickest way past the anger stage is to ignore it. According to researchers an average tantrum last 3 minutes before the child is back to playing normally.
Now that we recognize this naughty behavior as normal, how do we transform it into nice?
The first step begins with adult REACTIONS -
- Ignore the behavior - this method gets the tantrum past the anger peak
- Avoid asking the child questions
- Teasing, hitting, or yelling at the child prolongs the tantrum
- Keep things simple using short commands e.g. ”sit down” or ”go to your room”
- Comforting a child in the middle of a tantrum reinforces the behavior, instead show the child how to regulate his/her emotions
- When the tantrum is to avoid doing what you asked, ignoring him/her gives them what they want. Instead take them gently by the hand and walk them through the motions to complete the task.
Elementary Years - Playground Bullies Recess is outdoor play time that is typically supervised by volunteers or staff other than classroom teachers. The lack of structure can be hard for some children, and the goal of the adults is to keep children safe. It is often difficult for children to learn what they need to know to be successful at recess. Parents can take an active stand and encourage schools to teach proper play!
Many of our children do not have the tools to play well with others on an open playground or field. They may do fine at home with a reminder to “share with your brother!” or to “play nice with the baby!” but this doesn't always translate to the playground.
Being told that what they are doing is “not allowed” or “not appropriate” or “bullying” may remove the disruption, but it does nothing to provide the student who is doing it “wrong” with direction for doing it right! Focusing on consequences for children who are “behavior problems” is not the same as teaching students what they SHOULD do to be safe.
What our children need is someone to go outside and teach; how to invite another child to play, how to take turns, what to do while waiting, how to accept an invitation to play, how to ask to join in, how to show interest, how to be encouraging to others, and even how to play independently. Learning all these skills does not “just happen” for many children. We need to stop waiting for the phone call home and promote playground learning in our schools.
Education.com has some suggestions
and Great Schools has some excellent advice for parents of bullies and victims
and ehow offers some suggestions you can bring to your child's school to help make a difference.
Tweens - Answering Back (Back Talk) It is simply amazing how many ways a 12 year old’s behavior is like a toddler’s! If you have an adolescent who is answering back, the same suggestions we’ve given above still apply!
It can be frustrating, but it’s normal. They are communicating their needs, discomfort in social situations, feelings, instability in their environment, etc. They may be learning about the environment through cause and effect, sensory input, repeating what they see, or discovering acceptable behavior.
No matter what the reason for a smart answer, the first thing you should do is calm down. It is easy to overreact in the moment. Second, interact with the child. Pay attention to the child’s routine. Does the mouthing off happen at specific times of the day? Tired? Hungry? Does this happen in crowds of other children? Reaction?
The first step begins with adult REACTIONS -
- Ignore the behavior - this method gets the child past the anger peak
- Avoid asking the child questions,
- Teasing, hitting, or yelling at the child prolongs the problem.
- Keep things simple and remain calm!
- Arguing with a child in the middle of a tantrum reinforces the behavior, try walking away
- Taking a time-to-yourself is always a good solution and gets you out of the conflict.
Being told that what they are doing is “not allowed” or “not appropriate” may remove the disruption, but it does nothing to provide the child with direction for doing it right! Focusing on consequences for your young teen is not the same as teaching what they SHOULD do. Modeling makes a difference, and how you handle the situation is what they will learn has the “adult” way - the “best” way to be.
Remember, this is a temporary behavior. With a little bit of time with the child, behaviors change.
Education.com offers 10 ways to deal with teen backtalk
and ParentDish shares the research that shows how our back talking kids are the most successful at navigating peer pressure and becoming successful adults!
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